


Lost in Translation

by sassenachwriter



Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21632794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassenachwriter/pseuds/sassenachwriter
Summary: Christmas fic!
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser
Comments: 61
Kudos: 160





	1. Chapter 1

It all started on December 23rd, in a little apothecary store in Edinburgh. Jamie had to be fast if he wanted to arrive at his sister’s house in Glasgow in time. He was already running late, but it was his last chance to buy Claire a proper Christmas gift.

After almost ten years together, he didn’t know what to buy her anymore. Books, jewels, and all kinds of art things she loved, he had already given her during the past Christmases and birthdays. This year, he wanted something special. He needed to give her something special, to show him how much she meant to him, but time was running out and stores were all almost empty. 

His last hope was that little apothecary store they had been to a few years ago. He thought she would be happy if he bought her something for her gardens. 

The bell rang when he opened the door. He took off his hat and shook it, the snow falling on the wooden floor. Classical music was playing from the back of the store and there was a smell of a mixture of plants in the air. He was the only customer in the place.

Jamie started to walk around, remembering her showing him things that he didn’t understand, too concentrated on her beautiful lips and shining eyes while she talked with passion. 

He looked at his watch, restless. His heart started to race in his chest. He was running out of time. Stores were closing in ten minutes and he had no gift. She would hate him, he thought. Now was not the right time to come home with empty hands on Christmas day.

Looking up from his watch, he saw jewels on a stand and a special necklace caught his attention. There was a stone with a red gem in the middle. Jamie smiled because, somehow, it immediately made him think of Claire.

“Magic necklace,” a voice said behind him.

Surprised, Jamie turned around to see a short man staring at him with piercing blue eyes. “Magic?” He blinked. 

The man nodded with a smile. “It has a power.”

“A power?” Jamie smiled back, amused. Now he was sure Claire was going to love it. “I’m looking for a gift for my girlfriend. She loves all kind of… mystical things you could say.”

“She will love it, then.”

“How much?”

Jamie bought the necklace and put the paper bag in the pocket of his coat. Climbing behind the wheel, he started the engine and drove to the highway. It was snowing, not the best conditions to drive, but Jenny, Ian, and his mother were expecting him. He and Claire were supposed to go help them cook the food for Christmas day, like they did every year. It was their tradition.

On the night of the 23rd, they cooked. On the 24th, they traveled to their home near Inverness and spent the night telling stories and drinking wine. On the 25th, all the family joined them and they ate and celebrated together. It was Jamie and Claire’s favourite time of the year.

It was different this year, since Claire had decided not to come for the cooking. She was feeling terrible for cancelling, but she had called Jenny the previous day to tell her about the cold she had caught and thought it would be a good idea to get some sleep before the Holidays. Also, she didn’t want anyone, especially young Maggie, to catch it.

His heart sank at the thought of Claire. He knew the reason that was keeping her home was not a cold, but the life changing news the doctor had told them, just a few days ago. After years of trying to have a baby without success, both Jamie and Claire had run tests and Claire had learned she will never be pregnant. 

It had been a hard week for both of them. Both couldn’t sleep, but felt like they were sleepwalking through their lives. They barely talked and Jamie slept on the couch. This news had also come with deep emotions and frustration that they had kept buried deep inside for months.

Claire wanted him to leave her because she didn’t want to ‘ruin his only chance at happiness.’ like she had told him. But also, Claire was afraid Jamie was going to leave her because she couldn’t imagine her life without him and she was not ready to face rejection ever again.

There were so many things they needed to tell each other, but they didn’t have the strength to do it. And now, Christmas was coming and they knew that they wouldn’t have the chance to tell his family. And the last thing they needed was to see Jenny and Ian, beaming with happiness while holding their newborn baby Maggie. 

Jamie sighed, his eyes filling with tears. His heart was broken. In the past days, he had been thinking about Claire, about her life if she had never met him. Maybe she would be happier. 

It was him who had changed her mind about having babies. Before she met Jamie, Claire never wanted to be a mother. She had always been scared that she wouldn’t be a good mother, since she never had the chance to know hers. But Jamie, on the other hand, his only dream in life was to be a father. After she met Jamie, she started to think that maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t mind after all, having children. As time went by, the idea was settled in Claire’s mind and she couldn’t picture a future without little Fraser children running around the house. 

Four years before, they had started trying, but were not alarmed that Claire was never getting pregnant. But as the years went by, they started to feel nervous, anxious about it and frustrated, especially when everybody around them was having babies. 

They had tried to be a team during the hard times, but they knew that it was slowly drifting them apart. As the years went by, Jamie could see Claire was not her real self. 

She would be better off without me, Jamie thought. It was me who started to talk about kids first. She never talked about kids before. It’s me who made her want bairns.

He didn’t want to admit it, but he knew their end was coming soon. Since the first time he laid eyes on her, Jamie knew Claire was the one. And even now, he was still sure about it. But maybe he wasn’t the one for her.

Lost in his mind, Jamie didn’t notice the deer crossing the highway in front of him. Surprised, he turned the wheel and his car drifted on the side of the road. Hitting his head, he lost consciousness.

***

The first thing he noticed before he opened his eyes was the throbbing of his head. He lifted his hand and touched hot blood. Jamie opened his eyes, but he didn’t see anything. It was dark. Blinking several times, he finally recognized where he was. In his car. He wasn’t injured except for his head. He got out of the car and immediately was hit by the cold winter wind. He crossed his arms around his chest. There was no one on the highway and no dead or injured deer. 

He went back in his car and breathed on his hands, trying to warm them up. He reached for his phone and tried to dial Claire’s number, but there was no reception. 

Jamie tried to start the car, but it was dead. “Great,” he sighed. He was lost in the middle of nowhere during the coldest winter Scotland had ever known. 

He waited for a bit, helplessly hoping for a car to drive past him. His hands were buried deep in the pockets of his coat. His nose, fingers and toes were frozen and his body was shaking. Twenty minutes later, he knew he couldn’t stay there any longer. 

He took all his belongings and locked the doors behind him before walking back to Edinburgh, the closest city. 

The wind was strong and he couldn’t see clearly in front of him. Jamie hoped a car would drive past him, but at the same time, he was afraid the car wouldn’t see him with all the snow and would hit him.

It was getting more difficult to walk. Jamie had never seen a snow storm like this before. His face was frozen and his feet heavy. All he wanted was to be in the warm cozy flat where he lived with Claire and hold her in his arms. All he wanted was to leave the past behind, but it was too soon to start thinking about a different future for both of them. They had to mourn first.

Finally, a car drove by and stopped. “Is there a problem, Sir?” the man in the car asked him. 

“Can you drive me to Edinburgh, please? I had an accident.”

Twenty minutes later, the man dropped Jamie in front of his flat. He was about to give him money, but the man declined, wishing him a Merry Christmas.

At first, Jamie was surprised to see that all the lights were out in the flat. But when he looked at his watch and saw it was past midnight, he realized Claire must have gone to sleep. 

Suddenly, he thought Jenny must be worried he never arrived to Glasgow. He thought it was weird she hadn’t called Claire. If she had, she probably wouldn’t be asleep. Jamie was too lost in his head to notice things looked different in the garden.

He took his keys out of the pocket of his coat and went to open the door. He was surprised that the key didn’t fit in the lock. He tried again, but it was as if he was using the wrong key. Jamie checked to make sure it was the right key. It was.

He remembered a winter he spent with his father in Canada when he was younger. The cold had frozen the lock of their cabin and he remembered his father trying to warm the lock with his breath. It wasn’t that cold, but Scotland wasn’t used to temperatures below zero degrees. He tried it, but after a few minutes, his fingers were freezing. 

He didn’t want to wake Claire, but now he thought it was an emergency. So he knocked at the door. There was no movement inside the flat. He knocked again, louder this time. He checked by the window, thinking maybe there had been an emergency at the hospital. He knocked one last time. His fist didn’t make it to the door. The door swung open and a mad woman appeared in front of him, holding a golf club to protect herself. “Go away, Louis!” she screamed.

Surprised, Jamie took a step back and fell on the snow. “You’re not Claire,” Jamie frowned.

“You’re not Louis.”

“No,” he said, getting up.

“Who are you?” she asked, the stick still in the air.

“I could ask you the same question. What are you doing in my house?”

“Your house? This flat is mine!” the woman said. She had a strong scottish accent. Jamie had hit his head, but this was not Claire.

He looked at the address on the door. “Seriously, did Claire pay ye to do this?”

“What?”

“Just let me come in, I’m freezing!”

“Go away!” she screamed, taking a step forward. Jamie took a step back. “Go away or I swear I’ll call the fucking cops!”

Jamie didn’t have the energy in his body to fight with this mad woman. He ran away and called a cab. 

On the drive to the hospital, Jamie closed his eyes. He didn’t know exactly what was happening to him. He wasn’t drunk, but maybe he had hit his head badly. Maybe it wasn’t a bad thing he was going to the hospital. Claire could look at it. 

He almost fell asleep, rocked by the warmth of the cab, thinking about that woman’s angry face, her red hair around her head. He had never mixed his house for another on the street before.

Finally, he arrived at the hospital. He paid the driver and ran to the main door. The last thing he wanted was to spend one more minute in the freezing cold.

The automatic doors closed behind him and for the first time in the night, he was in a familiar place and it made him feel peaceful. It was silent in the hospital, but there was life.

He walked to Claire’s department — the pediatric department — looking for a beautiful tall woman with wild dark hair. He didn’t see her, but he couldn’t help but smile like an idiot when he saw Joe walking with a nurse. “Joe!” he exclaimed, not caring if he was interrupting them. Joe had been Claire’s friend before she met Jamie. They were friends in medical school and it had been him who had encouraged Claire to go on a date with Jamie, back in the day.

Jamie didn’t notice the puzzled look on the doctor’s face when the Scot walked to him. “Oh, Joe,” Jamie sighed, wrapping his arms around the man. “You have no idea how good it feels to see a familiar face. I’ve had the most terrible night!” Jamie exclaimed.

When he pulled back, he saw the doctor look at the nurse, telling her to go. “How can I help you?” his friend asked. He was on his guard.

“What’s that question? Of course I am here to see Claire!”

Jamie saw worry cross his face and suddenly, he thought something terrible had happened to her. “Claire?” he repeated.

“Well, yes. Claire. My Claire. Who else?”

“Doctor Claire?” he frowned.

“Yes. Doctor Claire Beauchamp. Or Lady Jane, LJ, whatever you like to call her.” Jamie was starting to worry. Things were not happening like he had expected and everybody was acting weird. “Did something happen to her?” Jamie swallowed, his throat tight. 

“No. Just sit here, I’ll call her,” Joe said. Jamie could feel there was something in the air.

He sat on the seat and watched as he walked to the station and asked for a nurse to call her. In the meantime, Jamie felt his hands slowly warming up. He took his phone out of his pocket and sent a quick text to Jenny. Couldn’t make it. Don’t worry, I’m fine. Call you later. 

He looked up from his phone when he heard the sound of the elevator. Claire walked out of the doors and made her way to the station. At the sight of her, Jamie felt all the pressure of the day fall off his shoulders. She was there, looking tired, but still beautiful, untamed curls escaping her ponytail. 

He smiled at her, not feeling cold at all anymore. She walked past him, without even looking at him, as if he didn’t exist, and went to meet Joe. Jamie frowned. Surely, she must have seen him. He was hard to miss, six foot four with a mop of fiery hair. 

He watched Joe whispering to her. Talking about him. Suddenly, she turned her head and met his eyes. Her look wasn’t loving and tender like she used to look at him. It was cold and distant. Like she didn’t know him. 

They talked for a bit and Jamie heard her say ‘I’ll deal with it,” before she made his way towards him. Every step echoed in his head and he felt like he was about to faint. Something was wrong.

“What’s happening?” he asked, getting up. “Why is everybody acting like they don’t know me?”

She froze for a moment, not sure about what to say. “Can I help you with something?”

He laughed, but he didn’t find it funny. On the contrary, he was scared. “Well, I thought Jenny would have called ye by now. I had a terrible accident, my car is still on the highway and there’s a crazy woman living in our flat.”

She blinked. “Our flat?”

“Yes. Ye ken, the one we bought together six years ago…”

She frowned, not understanding a thing he was saying. His heart was hammering in his chest.

“Look, Claire, I dinna ken what’s happening, but please, stop this. Tell the cameras to come out now, I’m not in the mood for a surprise.”

She looked over his shoulder. Jamie turned around and saw Joe looking at them, prepared to jump and protect Claire.

“Look, I think you’re mistaking me for someone else,” Claire said slowly. 

“What?”

“Is everything alright?” Joe asked from behind Jamie. His voice was stronger now. 

“It’s fine, thank ye,” Jamie said between clenched teeth. All he wanted was this circus to end right now and go back home with Claire.

“You said you had a car accident? Did you hit your head?”

Jamie opened his mouth to speak, desperate, but no words came out. 

“Claire, do you know this man?” Joe asked.

“What?” Jamie asked, looking from Joe to Claire, to Joe.

“I’ve never seen this man before in my life,” she said.


	2. Chapter 2

I’ve never seen this man before in my life.

Jamie laughed nervously. “Please guys…”

“How did you say you met Claire?” Joe asked.

Jamie blinked, looking at Claire. “Well, you know. Ten years ago. At the publishing house where I work. You wanted to publish your thesis.”

Claire looked alerted by this information. “How do you know about this? Have you been following me?”

“Claire! Stop it! You know fine well I’m not making this up! We live together for Christ’s sake,” Jamie shouted. He was starting to worry this wasn’t a joke.

“Sir, you need to calm down,” Joe warned him.

“Look, you hit your head,” Claire said, putting a hand on his arm. “Maybe we should check this.”

“No!” he lifted his hands in the hair. “I didn’t hit my head! I mean… I’m not crazy. When I woke up this morning, ye were here.”

It was enough. Claire told Joe to call a nurse. “No, I don’t need medical attention.. Please, Claire, listen,” he put his hands on her arms. She jumped, surprised.

“Don’t touch her!” Joe said, grabbing Jamie’s shoulder. “Or I’ll call the security.”

Jamie looked around and saw that the nurses where looking at him. One was on the phone and he suspected she was calling the police.

He looked at Joe and then at Claire. “You know what? I think I had too much alcohol tonight,” he said, forcing a smile. “I’ll just go…” he started to walk backwards, “home,” he smiled and ran out of the hospital.

Outside, the night was colder than ever. It was late and there was not a living soul around. He had nowhere to go. There was a crazy woman in his flat and he didn’t know any other place. He had friends, but he didn’t want to risk John or his gym buddy Arthur throwing him out as if he was an imposter too.

He started to walk, trying to think about the last hours, hoping to find an explanation that would make sense. Joe and Claire didn’t recognize him. No one at the hospital did and he was well known there. He often came to pick up Claire or surprise her with a quick visit when she worked long shifts.

There was a strange woman in his flat. A woman he didn’t know and that apparently didn’t know him as well.

A car accident. He had hurt his head badly. He touched the bulge on the left side of his head and shocks of pain ran down his body. Maybe he had hurt his head, but he wasn’t dreaming. Everything was too real to be a bad dream. Even if he wished it was.

He looked at his phone and saw that Jenny hadn’t answered his text, but he could see she had seen it. He thought it was funny that she wasn’t worried, but then he thought maybe she didn’t know who he was as well.

The thought made the blood freeze in his veins. If Claire and Joe didn’t recognize him, what made him think his sister would? His mother? Christ, would his own mother forget about him?

It must be a bad dream, he thought, but then, his hand touched something in the bottom of his pocket.

The necklace.

Magic necklace, the man had said. It has a power.

Jamie stopped walking and took the necklace out of his coat to look at it.

“It all started after I bought this bloody necklace,” Jamie whispered and started running towards the apothecary store.

***

The store was closed but Jamie could see lights coming from the back of the store. The short man was still in there.

Jamie tried to control his feelings. He knocked at the door loud enough for the man to hear it, but not strong enough to scare him. He waited, arms wrapped around himself. All he wanted was to wake up in the warmth of his bed, Claire sleeping peacefully in his arms.

Finally, he saw the shadow of the man emerge from the backstore. When he saw it was just Jamie, he seemed relieved and opened the door. “Can I help you?” He had a french accent Jamie immediately recognized.

He didn’t answer, simply showed him the necklace. “What the fuck?”

They were sitting around a small table in the backstore, surrounded by thousands of shelves with herbs and potions. The man, who Jamie learned was called Raymond, gave him a cup of tea. He took the cup in his hands, the warmth of it making him feel better. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“You look like you had a terrible night,” the man said, sitting in front of him.

“That’s one way to see it,” Jamie said.

“What happened?” the Frenchman asked.

Jamie told him everything. He knew he sounded crazy, but he couldn’t care less. He was exhausted and wanted nothing more than a way to help him wake up from this nightmare.

“You said…” the Scot started, feeling his cheeks turn pink. “You said the stone had a power… What is it?”

Raymond’s eyes were shining. He was truly interested in Jamie’s story and for the first time in the night, he felt like he had an ally.

“It’s only stories, but I never had the proof they were true. The necklace you bought,” he said, pointing at the necklace on the table in front of them with his short finger, “is made of fragments of the stones from an ancient circle of standing stones that was destroyed in the 18th century.”

“So the power is in the rock and not the gem?” Jamie looked down at the jewel. It was truly beautiful, but it now looked dangerous to him.

“Yes. You know the stories probably better than me. The circles of standing stones were magical. Songs and folklore say that people often disappeared there.”

“On a long journey,” Jamie whispered, remembering the tales his sister used to tell him, to scare him, when he was a kid.

“Exactly,” Raymond smiled.

“But… I thought the power was in the circle of stones, not just fragments of it.”

“There was one stone. The tallest that allowed people to travel.”

“I always thought they traveled in time,” Jamie said.

“‘I placed my hands upon the tallest stone and traveled to a far, distant land’” Raymond said, quoting one of Jamie’s favourite songs as a kid. The Woman of Balnain.

“Is such a thing even possible?”

It was a lot to take in. Now, Jamie really wondered how bad his head injury was. 

“This necklace must be made with fragments of the tallest stone. Tell me, what happened for your world to change this way? There must have been a switch. Was it after the car accident?”

“It has to be. I drove to the highway right after I bought it.”

The man’s eyebrows were furrowed. He was lost in his head. Jamie thought he didn’t look so impressed by the magic of a necklace made of stones. It probably wasn’t the first time he witnessed something…. supernatural.

He got up and started walking around the table, thinking. “You said that in the world you are now in, your partner, Claire as you called her, doesn’t know you exist. There is a woman you don’t know who lives at your flat. Which means Claire was never a part of your life. When did you meet her?”

“Ten years ago. At the publishing house where I work as a translator. I was just an intern at the time and she was just out of medical school. She wanted to publish her thesis, but the editor was not interested. So I gave her the name of one of my friends from university.”

“Ten years ago. Did you see anybody else you’ve known for more than ten years? Family members?”

Jamie took his phone out of the pocket of his coat. He checked the contacts. Jenny, his mother, Ian, a girl named Penelope, and his gym buddy Arthur. “Claire’s not there,” he said, alarmed. “She’s not in the contacts of my phone. But there’s a girl I don’t know.” He clicked on her profile. She was a pretty girl with brown hair and green eyes, but he didn’t recognize her.

“But you’ve been talking to your other family members?”

Jamie nodded. “Well, I texted my sister, but she didn’t answer. What does it mean? Did this stone… erase my past with Claire?”

“‘Traveled to a far, distant land’”, Raymond repeated. “What if you traveled to a different… reality?” he suggested. “Tell me, what were you thinking about when the car accident happened?”

Jamie didn’t have to think too hard. He’d been thinking about the same thing for the past few days. “I was thinking that perhaps Claire would be better off without me. That she maybe would be happier with her life if we had never met ten years ago.”

“Well, Jamie,” Raymond said, putting a hand on his shoulder, “I think you traveled to a universe in which you and Claire never met, because you were thinking about that when the car crashed. Now, your reality is that Claire is not a part of your life.”

“But… I don’t want this! How do I go back to my normal life?” 

“I have no clue,” Raymond smiled. His enthusiasm was starting to annoy Jamie. “Leave for the night. Sleep easy and put some pomade on your head,” he said, walking to one of the shelves. “Come back tomorrow night and I’ll try to find answers in the meantime.” He gave him the concoction and their eyes met. “We’ll find a way back to your normal life.”

“Thank you,” Jamie smiled, thankful. At least, he wasn’t in this alone. “Please don’t call the psychiatric hospital when I leave,” he said, getting up.

The Frenchman laughed and guided him to the door. “I’m hardly the one to judge,” he winked at him and Jamie was out in the night again.

He rented a hotel room in the Old Town. There was no place for him to go. He didn’t want to see anything about this life he was living in this world. Without Claire. He never thought such a thing was even possible.

Jamie showered and jumped into boxers he had bought at the hotel. His clothes were in the washing machine, cleaning them from this terrible day. He put some pomade on his head and went to sit by the window. 

He thought about Raymond’s theory. Travel in a parallel universe. As crazy as it sounded, it was the most plausible explanation. He knew cameras were not going to surprise him anytime soon. Claire was not in the mood to play pranks. It all was real.

He wondered about the different universes. If he was here, in this world where he and Claire had never met, the Claire he knew, the Claire he shared a life with, clearly was somewhere else. In the universe where he belonged? Or had this time just stopped while he was traveling? It was hard to say, but the last thing he wanted was for her to worry about him disappearing. He was afraid she would think he left her for another woman.

His tired mind started to play tricks on him. He started imagining his life if he never found a way back to their world. Living the rest of his life without her, Claire, in her own universe, finding love again with another man. Forgetting him. Living happily.

“Stop it,” he told himself and closed the curtains. It was time to sleep. “A good night of sleep will give me some new perspective.” 

***

The first thing Jamie thought about when he woke up was that it had all been a dream. Again.

Claire in his apartment while his mother was out of town. Talk around a glass of wine. Kisses exchanged in the dark. Love making between the sheets. 

It was too good to be true.

Yet, he found his arm reaching to the other side of the bed, his eyes still closed. When his hand met nothing but cold sheets, he felt a weight fall on his chest. It had all been a dream, but it had felt so true.

He opened his eyes, a feeling of emptiness filling him, thinking this dream would never become a reality.

Until he saw her. 

She walked into the room, wearing one of his university hoodies. Nothing else. She was bringing two cups of coffee. “Good morning,” she smiled sheepishly, sitting next to him on the mattress.

“So it wasn’t a dream,” he whispered, taking the cup she was offering him.

“No, definitely not,” she blushed.

The sun was coming through the window, making the auburn colour in her brown hair shine. She looked like a vision, tired after a sleepless night, but more beautiful than ever.

“Thank you for the coffee,” he said, taking a sip. 

“It’s the least I can do to thank you for your hospitality. Make you coffee with your own coffee,” she chuckled.

He looked at her, a smile spread on his face. She shyly looked down at the cup in her hands.

“So? Any plans for today?” he asked, sitting up straighter.

“Well, it depends on when you’re planning on kicking me out,” she met his eyes, a playful smile on her lips.

“I’m in no hurry. My mother is not coming back until tomorrow night.”

“That gives us plenty of time to do things,” she said, putting their cups on the nightstand. “Have you heard about the new movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger?”

“Oh, yes! We could watch that,” he smiled, lifting the hoodie off her head, revealing her naked body. “Or we could play chess,” he said softly, putting a curl behind her ear.

“We could play cards or poker,” she rested her forehead against his.

“Strip poker?” she bit her lower lip.

“We can do all of that,” he smiled, “but first,” he leaned and gently kissed her lips. 

Claire put her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss when they heard the voice.

“Jamie!! I’m home!” his mother shouted from the front door. 

Freezing, Jamie looked at Claire. “Shit.”

Still enchanted by his kisses, Claire didn’t seem to mind that his mother was going to find them. Maybe not the ideal introduction but she didn’t mind about that just now.

Jamie jumped out of bed, bringing Claire on the floor with him. She landed on his chest and lifted her head to see him look at her with worried eyes. “Hide,” he whispered.

“Excuse me?” she frowned, putting her lose hair behind her ears.

“Hide in the closet!”

“In the- What the hell?” she asked, clearly insulted. Jamie got up and walked her to the closet, a pillow clenched against her naked body. “What is wrong with you?!’

“Don’t speak so loudly!” he whispered and closed the door. He jumped into his underwear as his mother opened the door to his room. 

“Jamie?”

“Yes?” he asked, breathless. 

“What are you doing?” she frowned.

“Uh… Push ups,” he said the first thing that came to his mind. 

“Oh, ok…”

“What are you doing here? I thought you were only coming back tomorrow night?”

“There’s been a change of plans. The organizer felt sick and I can’t stand the other woman, so I decided to come back, but there was a storm so I stopped by Michele’s house and-” Jamie stopped listening, feeling Claire’s angry eyes piercing through the door of the closet and marking his back with red iron. She was going to kill him.

“Anyway,” she smiled, “I’ll leave you to your… occupations. I’ll be in the kitchen,” she walked out, closing the door behind her. Jamie waited for her steps to reach the kitchen before opening the door of the closet.

He was right. Claire was looking at him with deadly eyes. If looks could kill…

“Congrats on acting like a fucking university fuck boy,” she said between clenched teeth, walking around the bedroom to grab her clothes.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “but what did you want me to do?”

They heard rock music start playing in the kitchen and Jamie’s mother sing along to the lyrics.

“Clearly hiding me in your closest was not the wisest thing.”

Jamie crossed his arms on his chest, looking at her walking around the room without knowing what to do. “Don’t tell me you actually wanted her to find you naked in my bed?”

She didn’t say anything, but dressed up hastily. Her cheeks were pink with anger. Or shame. He knew he had acted stupidly, but he had been surprised.

When she was done, she walked to the window and opened it. “I imagine you don’t want me to walk out by the front door.”

She jumped out and landed on the grass, two meters below. 

“Let me walk you home,” he said.

“In your dreams.” She started walking towards the street.

“I’ll call you!” he screamed and she answered with a middle finger.

***

The memory of the morning after his first night with Claire often made him smile, but now, as he sat alone in his hotel bed, in a world where he didn’t belong, it made him sad. 

He hadn’t slept very well, often waking up, his body drenched with sweat after terrible dreams. None of them were about him coming back to his real home.

After staying in bed for a moment, finding no motivation to get up, he finally went to take a shower. He got out, a towel wrapped around his waist and sat on the bed. His head rested in his hands while he thought about where to start. 

He noticed his wallet on the nightstand and took out his driver’s license. There was an address on it. He didn’t recognize it, but he figured out it must be where he lived. 

As much as he wanted to stay far away from his life here, he was curious and thought maybe exploring would help him find a way back. 

He dressed up with the same clothes from the previous night and called a cab, giving him the address of the driver’s license. 

Fifteen minutes later, the taxi driver dropped him in front of an old building. Whatever his life was in this universe, he had money. 

Jamie paid and walked to the front door. This time, the key fit in the lock. He walked in the luxurious flat. He recognized some things he owned as a kid, but most of the pictures in the frames didn’t ring a bell. Travels and activities he didn’t remember doing. 

“Jamie, is that you?” A voice asked behind him. 

Surprised, he turned around and saw the woman from his phone — Penelope — standing in underwear. His jaw dropped at the sight.

She smiled, biting her lower lip. “I’ve been waiting for you all night long,” she sighed dramatically. “I missed you yesterday.”

“Oh…” Was the only thing he managed to say.

“But you can make it up to me,” she said, walking to him. She grabbed the collar of his shirt and kissed him. It felt weird and he didn’t like it, feeling like he was betraying Claire. “Join me in the bedroom,” she smiled and disappeared in the hallway.

Jamie cleared his throat, an odd feeling taking control of him. Whatever this universe was, he needed to leave it as soon as possible.

“Are you coming? I’m impatient,” Penelope shouted from the bedroom, trying to sound sexy. Trying. 

“A minute,” Jamie said, checking around the place one last time. The strange woman figured in only one picture in the frames so he guessed she hadn’t been part of his life for very long.

Fortunately.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. Raymond. Jamie immediately answered. “Yes?”

“I think I’ve got something,” the man said, his voice enthusiastic as always.

Hanging up, Jamie silently made his way out of the flat and ran towards the closest street. 

***

Raymond was waiting for him in the little store. He offered him some tea, but the Scot declined the offer. “No, thank you, but please tell me what you found.”

The Frenchman sat in front of him. “Well, I read about the magic stones and I think I found how you can go back to your life.”

Jamie’s heart was hammering in his chest and his body was sweating. He needed to know. “Tell me.”

“I think you have to go back to the reason why you traveled in the first place. You were thinking Claire would be happier in a life in which she never met you. Now you’ve met her, but you’re still here, which means you have something to do. A purpose. And until you accomplish the mission why you’re in this universe, you will not be able to go back.”

“I’m not sure I’m following you,” Jamie admitted. He couldn’t think clearly, his mind spinning.

“You have to make her fall in love with you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the lovely comments on chapter 1! I hope you'll like this one :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

“You already did, once in your time. It won’t be so hard,” Raymond shrugged.

“Except that the last time I was charming when I met her. This time I must have scared the hell out of her.”

“What did you say to her?”

“Well… That we were together and that we lived together and then she said she had never met me before.” Jamie sighed, remembering the previous night. “I was a little panicked myself, you see. I wouldn’t be surprised if she called security if she sees me at the hospital.”

Raymond and Jamie talked about his mysterious travel until he finally left the shop around lunch time. He knew he had to think carefully about the way he was going to talk to Claire. He only had one chance, he could not miss it or he would be stuck in this terrible universe forever.

Jamie didn’t know where to start, but he thought the hospital would be a great beginning. He had to learn more about this Claire if he wanted to make her fall in love with him. As the taxi drove him to the hospital, he wondered how different life without him would be for her.

He was a total failure. He lived in a big, cold apartment with a strange woman. In the pictures he saw in the frames, he didn’t look very happy. Perhaps Claire’s life was happier. Happier than their life together in his reality. He hoped so, because he loved her and wanted nothing but her happiness. At the same time, he wanted to be the one who made her happy. 

Jamie paid the driver and walked to the front gate. He knew he wouldn’t go unnoticed, but nobody knew him and the people working on this morning shift probably were not the same who saw him the night before.

He bought flowers at the little boutique on the first floor and stepped into the elevator. He was alone until it stopped on the 3rd floor. His blood froze in his veins when he saw a familiar face step in.

Geillis.

Claire and her had met during their internship and had been friends ever since. She often came home with her boyfriend to have dinner with Claire and Jamie. Jamie liked her fine, she was a good friend to Claire, especially after the last tough days before he disappeared.

He held his breath, wondering if Geillis was going to recognize him as Claire’s partner Jamie or as Claire’s weird guy from last night at the hospital. 

When the door closed, Geillis looked up from her chart and smiled at him. It was a polite smile, which indicated to Jamie that she had never heard of him. Never.

He felt both disappointed and relieved at the same time.

Geillis and Jamie got out of the elevator at the same level. He sneaked out, hiding his face behind the flowers, trying to locate Claire or Joe. Neither of them seemed to be around.

Jamie walked down the hallway, but there were no signs of Claire. Maybe she was not working after all. He sat on a chair in the shadows and waited a bit until he heard her laugh. 

Just the sound of her laughter made his insides turn into knots and his knees feel like jello. It was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. It had been quite a while since he heard her laugh so freely, so happily. 

His heart sank in his chest at the thought. Maybe she really was happier without him. He was about to give up the quest for her heart when he heard her talk to Joe. “Well have a Merry Christmas, my dear.”

Jamie stretched out his head to see her kiss Joe’s cheek right by the nurses station. They were wearing Santa hats.

“Happy Christmas to you, Claire. What are your plans?”

“Oh, I’ll spend the 24th with some friends and the 25th with my cousins. And you?”

“Gail’s family is coming from Boston so we’ll be celebrating all week long,” Joe chuckled. “You should come! Whenever you’re free, we’ll all be happy to see you,” he smiled at her, a hand on her shoulder. 

“Thank you, Joe. Once again, Merry Christmas.”

Jamie watched her walk to the elevator and ran to the staircase. He knew following her was a very bad idea, but he needed to learn more about her. About her life. 

A few times, he almost fell as he ran down the stairs, afraid he would lose her. He had no idea where she lived and if he lost her trace, he would not be seeing her for a while. Which meant he was going to stay in this bloody universe for too long.

Breathless and sweaty, he finally made it to the first floor just in time. Claire was saying goodbye to the guard and walking through the front door. 

Jamie followed her from a certain distance, stopping to give the flowers to an old woman and wishing her a Merry Christmas. 

Claire walked to a silver grey car parked in the reserved section and Jamie realized he didn’t have a car to follow her. He started to panic, thinking he would lose her forever, when he saw a cab parked in front of the hospital. He ran, throwing his arms in the air, hoping the driver would see him.

“Mister Walker?” The driver asked when Jamie opened the window.

“That’s me,” he said, breathless.

“Where are we going?”

“Can you please follow this car?” Jamie said, pointing Claire’s car leaving the hospital’s parking lot.

The driver frowned, not sure about what to do. 

“I think she accidentally took my bag. She didn’t hear me when I called after her.”

“Okay…” he said and started to drive. 

There was a lot of traffic, people were in a hurry to go home for the long break. The man was driving too slowly for Jamie. He thought they were losing her and Jamie was growing impatient.

“Don’t worry,” the driver said. “I know a shortcut.” The man turned left, surprising Jamie. “No traffic here,” he smiled proudly before turning left again. They ended right behind Claire’s silver car.

“Man!” Jamie exclaimed, smiling. 

They turned on a residential street. “Slow,” Jamie told the driver. They stopped a few cars behind Claire, who parked in front of a red building.

“Thank you,” he told the driver, paying him and got out of the car. He hid behind a tree, watching her grab her keys to enter the front door. He waited for a moment and walked to her building. He looked atthe window of the living room. There were many plants and a tree, hiding him from the people on the street.

It was dark outside even if it was the afternoon. The sky was grey, he could see it was going to snow soon.

Lights were turned on in Claire’s house. He saw her leave her bag by the couch and go into the kitchen. He had to stretch his neck to see just a part of the room. Fortunately, her flat was an open space. She filled a glass with water and sat by the counter. So far, there were no signs of a man in the room. It would be much harder to make her fall in love with him if she was already in love with someone else.

She was opening letters. Her face was different, she looked more tired than she had at the hospital. Sadder.

She opened an envelope and her face lit up. A Christmas card.

She got up and went to put it on the fireplace. There were no other Christmas cards there.

His eyes looked up at her face and he couldn’t help but feel his eyes tear up. She had no one to spend Christmas with.

He wondered why she had not told Joe she was spending Christmas with her parents. He wondered if in this universe, she didn’t have a good relationship with them like she had in the real world.

Jamie was surprised when she took her sweater off in the middle of the living. Clearly, she wasn’t that different from his Claire.

Wearing only her bra, she walked to what he imagined was the bedroom and came back a few minutes later, wearing loose clothes. She stopped by the kitchen, filling a glass with red wine and came back into the living. She put some music on and sat on the couch and started crying.

Jamie felt his heart stop. It was the last thing he was expecting. The sight of her made him want to walk into the house and take her in his arms. 

He felt bad for watching so when she lied down to fall asleep, he sat down, his back against the building, and ran a hand in his hair. “Christ,” he whispered. 

The sun had set when he decided to look again. Claire was not in the living room anymore. He tried to see around the flat, but some lights were off. Finally, he saw her walk out of the kitchen. She was talking over the phone with the flyer of a restaurant in hand. She hung up and put on her coat. She was leaving the house. If he didn’t want her to see him, Jamie had to leave.

He jumped over the fence as she got out of the house. He ran away to the corner of the street so she wouldn’t see him. Jamie looked behind his back to see if she was gone. He crossed the street without looking and heard the sound of a car breaking. Then he passed out.

***

“Oh my God! Oh Lord! Jesus Christ!” he heard her say in her British accent, followed by the sound of her shoes on the wet ground. “I am so sorry, but you came out of nowhere!”

He blinked and when their eyes locked, her face changed. “You!” she said loudly. “Are you following me?”

He sat up and touched the bulge behind his head. “Ouch,” he winced. 

“No,” he said. He had to come up with something. “I just moved in the neighborhood.”

“I didn’t know there was a flat to sell,” she said. Like Joe, she was on her guard.

“Well, it didn’t make it to the market. I kent the guy who was selling it.”

She studied his face and must have seen he was inoffensive. He didn’t say anything, only looked at her. She was wearing a green beret and her nose was red. It was dark outside but the lights of her car allowed him to see her well. She was beautiful. As beautiful as the day he had first met her and fell in love with her. He didn’t care if it was freezing outside, he wasn’t feeling cold around her.

“I’m sorry for what happened at the hospital. Ye see… I was drunk. I might have celebrated too much.”

“Mmm… Well, let me walk you back home. I can look at your head, I’m a doctor… Oh,” he noticed her cheeks turning pink, “you already know that.”

His heart skipped a beat. Home. His home was blocks away from here. “I think I’ll stop by the drug store first. I dinna have first aid stuff at my home yet. Just moved in, ye ken.”

“Oh, well…” she hesitated. She didn’t trust him enough to bring him to her house. “I can drive you to the drug store, if you want? It’s the least I can do.”

Jamie nodded and she helped him get up. He sat on the passenger seat and looked at the inside of her car. It was old and not the cleanest thing. He smiled to himself. She still was Claire, after all.

They drove in silence for a few minutes until she stopped by the drug store. “Ye dinna have to wait,” he said. “I’m fine, really. Thank ye for driving me.”

“Okay, but if you start feeling dizzy or sick during the next days, go to the hospital. Please. Let me give you my phone number, in case something happens I want to know.”

They exchanged phone numbers. Jamie had to check his phone, not knowing it by heart.

“Call me, please,” she said.

“I will,” he smiled and got out of the car.

“Wait!” She said as he was about to close the door. He bent to look at her. “Merry Christmas,” she said with a shy smile. 

Jamie’s heart softened. A big smile lit his face. “Merry Christmas.”

“Take care. It’s very cold outside.”

***  
“Maybe bringing you here was not the best idea, after all.”

“I must sa-yy… For a f-first real date… A-Am I passing t-the test?” Claire asked, her teeth chattering.

It was their first real date or activity as a couple. They had been together for two months now, but never had so much time alone. This week-end, Jamie had decided to bring Claire hiking in the Scottish Highlands for a few days. They had not imagined it would be below zero degrees on top of the Ben. 

They were in their little tent, snuggling together under the covers. 

Claire was cold, her entire body shaking uncontrollably. Jamie on the other hand, was still a burning furnace. 

His arms were wrapped around her, holding her tightly against him. She slid her feet between his legs, trying to warm them up a bit. “If I make it out of here alive… I w-want to b-buy a dog,” she whispered.

Jamie smiled. Her freezing nose was against his hot neck. “What kind of dog?” His voice was low, rocking her to sleep.

“I don’t know… What do you like?”

“I like them all. Especially golden retrievers.”

“Oh yes, they are so lovely. And loyal.” She sighed, breathing him. “You smell good.”

“I smell of sweat, yes,” he laughed.

Claire kissed his neck. “Still, you smell good.” She kissed his chest.

“I ken a good way to warm ye up a bit,” he said innocently. 

“I see what you have in mind, laddie, but I am not taking a lawyer of clothes off.”

“We can find a way,” he said, his hands moving down her back to grab her bum. “Mmm,” he sighed. 

She kissed him on the mouth and let a hand go down between them. She slid her hand in his sweatpants and took a firm hold of him. Her lips captured his moan. “I’m finding a way,” she smiled sheepishly.

“I see that,” he said, rolling on top of her with a groan. The wind was strong outside, but they felt peaceful in the inside of their orange tent.

“Jamie,” she sighed, “I am very serious when I say I’m not taking any clothes off. I don’t want to turn into an ice cube by the end of the night.”

“Trust me, a nighean, ye willna be cold for very long.”

And he was right.

***

Jamie sat on the hotel bed, holding a bag of ice against his forehead. He kept wondering what had happened in his own reality. Had the police found his car? Was he missing? Or was he simply erased from everyone’s memory? Was Claire, somewhere in any universe, thinking about him? Missing him? He was missing her, terribly.

In all the time they’d been together, he didn’t remember being away from her for so long. It hadn’t been that long, only a day, but it felt like an eternity. He was far, far away from home. In a world where Claire was lonely and spent Christmas Eve alone. In a world in which he had nobody to share a life with. It seemed the women in his life never stayed for very long. He wondered how is job was doing: it was the only thing that could bring positivity. 

Jamie looked at his phone and saw that Jenny still had not read his message. He thought he should pay her a visit the day after. He had no time to lose, but he was starting to be curious about this life he hated very much.

Jamie stopped by his flat to change. It felt weird to dress in clothes that belonged to him, that he had worn, but that didn’t mean anything to him.

Fortunately, the lass wasn’t there anymore so he had time to wander around the house and try to discover more about himself.

He was surprised by the quantity of unhealthy food in the kitchen. He knew Claire often sent him back to the grocery store after he bought food that she didn’t approve of for her healthy meals. Now he saw she was the reason why he was such in a good shape.

He walked to the living room and saw the decoration was quite basic. There weren’t many frames and he was surprised to see no frames with pictures of his family. 

The books in the library were books that had belonged to him since he went to university to study french literature, but most of them looked like nobody had ever read them. There were a few movies, mostly blockbusters that he and Claire never watched. 

His phone beeped in the pocket and his jeans. He went to answer, thinking it might be Jenny, but when he saw it was Penelope, he almost threw the phone away.

It was all it took for him to leave the house. He had learned enough about the miserable life he lived without Claire and gathered some clothes. He had everything he needed, so he left the house after finding which one of the cars parked on the street was his. 

Jamie drove all the way to Glasgow without stopping once. He felt something inside of him turn into knots at the idea of leaving Claire behind. It was almost Christmas and the last thing he wanted was for her to spend it on her own, but if she didn't want him, he couldn't force her to spend time together. 

Finally, Jamie parked in front of the building where Jenny lived and stopped to look at the panoramic view of the city. He could see the bell that towered the university where he studied and hundreds of churches. The only familiar thing to him so far. 

He walked to the building and knocked on her door. She lived on the first floor and as soon as he rang the bell, he heard the footsteps of a kid run to the door. It swung open, revealing another familiar face. Jamie’s face lit up at the sight of his nephew. “Hey, buddy!” Jamie kneeled down in front of the six year old boy. 

Young Jamie frowned at the sight of the giant red headed man.

“Jamie Fraser Murray! How many times did I told you not to open the door to strangers!” Jenny’s voice reprimanded from the hallway. At the sound of it, Jamie felt a weight off his shoulders and got up. 

“Jenny, you have no idea how happy I am to-”

She interrupted him by slapping his cheeks, hard. “You have some nerve to show up here, James Fraser.”

“Well, I thought ye would be worrit that I didna show up three days ago?!”

“Three days ago?” Jenny’s face was red of anger. 

Christ, Jamie thought, what did I do now? 

“Three days? More like five years, brother!”

“Five years?” Jamie asked in a low voice, frowning. 

“Aye, now dinna tell me ye forgot that ye let yer family down because we werena good enough for ye, mister the novelist!”

“The novelist?” Jamie couldn't believe what was happening. “I'm a novelist?”

She gently pushed away Young Jamie who was still looking at Jamie with a curious face. Apparently, his nephew had no idea this stranger was his uncle. 

Jenny let out a sigh. “Have ye been drinking again? Ye look like shite. Now, why are ye here? What do ye need? Money? Did ye waste all yers on drinks and girls?”

Jamie blinked and now he knew he should never have come here. 

“Where is Ian?” He asked. 

Another thing he shouldn't have said. 

Jenny’s face changed. She wasn't angry or annoyed anymore. She had an odd expression, a mix of pain and sadness. “Ye ken fine well where he is, damn you!” She said between clenched teeth. “Now, go! I dinna want to see ye. In case ye forgot, I told ye five years ago.”

She closed the door violently in front of him. Speechless, Jamie made his way back to his car, curious to know what had happened with Ian? Had he left Jenny with the kids? Ian was not that type of man. 

Too curious to let go, Jamie took his phone out as he sat behind the wheel and called his mother. 

“Jamie?” She asked with the shaking voice of an old lady. “What can I do for ye?”

“I would like to know what happened to Ian.”

“Ian,” she repeated, the same odd emotion in her voice. “Ye ken, Jamie.”

He looked outside at Jenny’s block. The lights were opened and he saw her scream something at her children who were running around. “Tell me again.”

“Why would ye want to remember this terrible story on Christmas Eve? Oh, weel,” she sighed. “Ye were drunk, once more. The police had arrested ye, so they called me. I was at Jenny’s house for Young Jamie’s birthday. It wasn't the first time it was happening and Jenny was angry because ye were ruining her boy’s birthday. Ian insisted to go pick ye up and drive ye to yer house, but he had an accident. A drunk driver hit him as he crossed the street to the police station. He died instantly.”

Jamie’s throat was dry and even if he tried to say something, no word came out. He hadn't realized that tears were streaming down on his cheeks. He couldn't believe that his best friend had died because of him. 

“Jenny has never forgiven ye for it.”

“Thank you,” he said, clearing his throat. “Thank you, mother.”

“I imagine yer not coming over again this year?”

“To Lallybroch? Oh, no. I have… Business to attend to.”

By the sound she made, Jamie realized it wasn't the first time he told her this to excuse his absence. “Merry Christmas, mother.”

“I love ye, Jamie,” she said and hung up. 

It took fifteen minutes before Jamie drove back to Edinburgh. He had to cry all the tears he had been holding on for the past days, even weeks. After he felt drained emotionally and physically, his head throbbing, Jamie started the car and went back to Glasgow. 

He had to end this mess as soon as possible.


End file.
